In order for us to survive as human’s on this planet, we need to be in possession of many survival skills.  Most of us also rely on the support of our village, our family members, our partner, our working colleagues, or our friends and neighbours.  Many a time, we need to ask a favour of another.  Perhaps they have a skill set we do not have….doing a repair in your home as an example.  And, it swings the other way, offering our expertise to others.

Over the course of our life however, we many times need to rely on ourselves to get through.  For a period of time in my life I was on my own.  No one else was going to ensure that I ate, or got to work on time, or pay the bills, or to comfort me when I was down.  In fact in times of my addiction, I choose to be alone, not wanting other human interaction.  

There are times we need to be there for ourselves to look after ourselves, or make decisions for ourselves.   Even in the good times, we learn to survive on our own and take charge of the direction of our life journey.  There are times in my current life that I choose to be alone, not for hiding, but for quiet, for peace, for reflection…and I love those times.

As a human being, there are of course times of despair when I would question my judgement…concerning my health, my happiness and my welfare, which led me to feeling dependent on others and powerless.  So over the course of time, I have chosen to strive to be stronger, and believing that I can look after myself, that I am strong and the more I pursue that, the stronger I become for myself.  The stronger I am for myself, the more I can be there for my loved ones.

Being my own village does not mean isolation - my life is balanced on my external village (friends, family, etc.) and my own inner village.  I am grateful for the inner work I have done to ensure that I am able and willing to look after all that I need and desire, but also for my new found joy in sharing my life with others.

I am worthy and also am able to celebrate my increasing inner strength and resourcefulness.  ​

“Living is changing, that’s the lesson the seasons teach us.”             
Paulo Coelho
As the weather cools a bit this month, and the threat of “the white stuff” looms around the corner, I have been walking recently in the river valley, listening to the crunch of the leaves as I put in my 5 km.
I love the above quote which reminds me that, when the seasons  change, and bring on a new, but familiar look, it is exciting and new each time.  The first snow fall, the first falling of the colourful leaves, the first plants peeking out from the ground, etc.
Every season brings a new look and feel of refreshing the earth.  Personally, I love the autumn, and the colours that appear almost overnight; the leaves then falling, and nature then takes a bit of a break as the foliage and many living beings hibernate during the cooler/colder months.  
The point I have become more acutely aware of is that I too, am ever changing as I grow in spirit towards my goal of being more aware of my surroundings, of being more whole, and being grateful for every part of my life.
Becoming sober over four years ago, have made this even more crystal clear.  I awaken every day to celebrate my life, and be grateful for all of my blessings.
The last couple of weeks have been jammed packed with events, and things to get done before I go away for a little R&R.  Getting all my necessary appointments complete; finishing up a couple of book signings at local bookstores; responding to those who are asking about my book; spreading news of a newly dropped podcast; a few birthdays thrown it; a long overdue lunch with family; writing a few “journals” for the website; catching up with my book club; and supporting my husband as he ran once again for the Terry Fox Foundation on September 15th.
As I worked my way through the last couple of weeks, I noticed that I was not nearly as “panicked” about running out of time.  I was still able to fit in my routines that keep me sober, and still able to “see” the day ahead and be grateful for every moment.    I am more able to let go of the things that I really don’t have to worry about and focus on the important “stuff”.  This was not at all me a few years ago.
Bringing myself to the task at hand with a positive attitude about the outcome makes a tremendous difference.  Going at the tasks with anger or resentment not only doesn’t get things done, but leaves me grumpy and frustrated.
Calm down Cheryl I say, and do one thing at a time and all will be well.  Just as the seasons remind us of change that we can look forward to, taking the time to see my surroundings and being grateful for even the smallest positive changes is exciting.
Sometimes the winding road is never ending it seems, just as climbing the stairs every day is both gratifying, even though the climbing too is never ending.
The Journey is worth it.  Don’t forget that…keep climbing!  You are worth it.

“Be Kind to yourself.  You may not be perfect, but you are all you’ve got to work with.”    - Henepola Gunaratana








This morning, I went for a long walk in a city park on the river bank.  The sound of nature moved me…the poplar trees rustling in the breeze, the scurry of the chipmunks competing with a group of birds at a bird feeder that someone erected. The sights of nature were there as well…the footprints of a bear on the shore, a mass of white feathers, some still with blood on the roots indicating a loss of a bird overnight, dozen’s of grasshoppers constantly taking flight in front of my path and the wild daisies throughout.
I read Whoopi Goldberg’s latest book over the past week, “Bits and Pieces”.  One of the readings stuck with me:  “There’s bad in the world that you can’t do anything about.  1.Do I allow those bad things stunt my growth as a human being? or 2. Am I just going to sit down and die over it? or 3. Or, do I figures out how I can be better?   Which option/s are a waste of time?” 
As I pondered this thought, I would add to it that it doesn’t help anything or anyone to rattle on and complain about it either.  What can I do, I asked?  For me, I strive to be the best I can be, live everyday to the fullest, and am grateful for all I do have.  I can try and make a difference everyday to someone I encounter.  On my walk today, I said “Good Morning” to every walker, every cyclist, every jogger and everyone I saw sitting on a memorial bench. 
This afternoon, I am re-reading Jann Arden’s book, “If I Knew Then - Finding wisdom in failure and power in aging”.  If you are a woman in your 50-70’s, this is a must read.  She talks about not really paying attention to who she was, or was becoming in her 40’s and early 50’s, but as she enters her 60’s and 70’s, she is seeing it differently.  
My favourite quote so far, is exactly how I am feeling right now, and for the last 4 + years… “What I think about now couldn’t be further from brooding on time running out.  Instead, I’m focused on reimagining and reinvention, the act of becoming someone I always hoped I would be.  I feel that I am a wise woman emerging through the trees with a renewed sense of the purpose of my own glorious life.”  Jann, I feel exactly the same!
I have found so many ways over the last couple of years to unlock my Joy.  Reading powerful memoirs of strong women such as Whoopi, Jann, Glennon Doyle, Margaret Atwood, Elizabeth Gilbert, Emily Carr, Judith Duerk, and soooo many others inspire me…
I feel honoured to grow older and wiser.  I have lost friends who left the planet so many years younger than myself, so I am grateful for my opportunities. News flash, we are all going to die one day.  I accept that, and because of that am determined to make the most of all I can.
Today’s Lesson : Find a Way to Unlock your Joy !

The following is taken from a book written by Narcotics Anonymous.  It is a book that I studied in Rehab and still refer to regularly as food for thought…  I have many friends in recovery who belong to a Just for Today group (JFT).  They check in with each other each morning, read the reading together, and share their thoughts…all to keep on the right path.
August 30 - Doing Good, Feeling Good
“We examine our actions, reactions, and motives. We often find that we've been doing better than we've been feeling. - Basic text, page 43
The way we treat others often reveals our own state of being.  When we are at peace, we’re most likely to treat others with respect and compassion.  However, when we’re feeling off centre, we’re likely to respond to others with intolerance and impatience.  When we take regular inventory, we’ll probably notice a pattern: We treat others badly when we feel bad about ourselves.
What might not be revealed in an inventory, however, is the other side of the coin: When we treat others well, we feel good about ourselves. When we add this positive truth to the negative facts we find about ourselves in our inventory, we begin to behave differently.
When we feel badly, we can pause to pray for guidance and strength. Then, we make a decision to treat those around us with kindness, gentleness, and the same concern we would like to be shown. A decision to be kind may nurture and sustain the happiness and peace of mind we all wish for. And the joy we inspire may lift the spirits of those around us, in turn fostering our own spiritual well-being.”
Just for Today: I will remember that if I change my actions, my thoughts will follow.

Chapters in our lives open and close as we move through our lives.  For example, moving on after a divorce, after a death of a spouse, after the kids have left home, when you retire, etc. etc.
When a phase of our lives moves into our past memories, there is a mourning period for sure.  As time moves on, others may encourage you to move on.  
At the same time, we are bombarded with information on how to live longer….”magic potions”, miracle serums, medicines, surgeries.  
But we all know that it isn’t just about hitting more birthdays, it is about quality of life…living life to the fullest.
One choice is to not see other opportunities to experience in life, and settle into a poor me mode….watch TV, go out just for the necessities, answer the phone, but never make the calls yourself, and generally feel sorry for the losses and changes.
Another choice is to look for opportunity doors to other experiences. Change it up, experience something new, do things differently and enjoy.  
Staying healthy is not just physical well being by exercising and eating healthy.  It is also about taking care of our mental, emotional and spiritual health.
As I have a family history of Alzheimers, only one form of dementia, I have been seeing a new senior’s Doc about being pro-active about keeping my brain going. 
There is an old story about a Convent in Montreal.  A study was done over a number of years, as when the Sister’s got older in this particular facility, they developed Alzheimers prior to their last years.  The fact was that the Sister’s had been doing the exact routine for most of their lives, with little difference, and developed some form of the disease.  
The question was raised, “What if the Sister’s changed up their routines and used different parts of their brains…would the history change?”  So Mother Superior oversaw the Sister’s starting to change up some of their daily routines, and also to use their brains differently.  She also enrolled the Sister’s in taking Violin Lessons.   
During the course of the study, the testing showed dramatic differences in their brains and a diminishing onset of the dementia.
So I challenge you to consider a few things:

• If you are driving somewhere, take a different route to stimulate your brain.  
• If you walk or cycle daily, take a different route, change it up and smell different roses along the way
• On the Canadian news a few days ago, a woman went skydiving for the first time….she was 100
• Try life long learning.  Keep the brain agile by learning something new.  If you are savvy with the internet, perhaps there is a course on line.  Or take out a book from the library on a subject that is new to you.  Senior Centres in most cities have short courses to take.  My husband went to one a few years back to learn Tai Chi
• If you read mysteries, change it up and read a memoir, or a historical fiction (Sarah Ferguson has written a few that are excellent)
• Volunteer…a hospital, a food bank, your place of worship, help a friend is no longer able to do certain things
• Travel if you are still able, to meet new people, to try something different

Watch for new Doors, and step inside….you never know what you will discover   The number of Birthdays you have experienced has nothing to do with your ability to peek into a new doorway.
“Time does not change us.  It just unfolds us.”  - Max Frisch

 “Enlightenment is always there. Small enlightenment will bring you great enlightenment. If you're breathing and are aware that you are alive – that you can touch the miracle of being alive – then that is a kind of enlightenment.”
                - Thich Nhat Hanh
I am striving everyday to approach my day with positivity and JOY.  Some mornings, even with the best intentions of positive, uplifting thoughts and words, I get thrown off the course!  Very often I get thrown off my intention by what others around me say.  For example, I do not like swearing language, and can be tempted to “correct” someone.  Personally I find it offensive and frightening at times.  I have come to see that not everyone understands the power that positive, non threatening, compassionate words can have on another.  On the other hand, I have come to realize that some may be stuck in old patterns of negativity.
It seems that some are in a negative mindset, and perhaps out of habit (and their comfort zone), their first instinct is to communicate in the form of complaining and criticizing.  It speaks to the old saying that some “see the glass half empty vs. half full”.
Depending on the situation and the company, we do have the option of walking away and continue on our positive path.  Sometimes it may be appropriate to address the negativity by pointing out the sunnier side of the conversation.  Other times, I may remain silent and not further the conversation, which sends a silent message in itself. I find for me, I feel better even if the other party doesn’t pick up on it.
In June of this year I went to hear Eckhart Tolle speak.  He talked of an example he experienced while driving.  A driver was irritated with him,   perhaps he said because he drives slowly.  At the red light, the man was gesturing to him and yelling for him to get off the road.  Eckhart said he just looked at him….no anger, no reaction, no emotion as the man went on and on.  He felt better, but the man was probably even angrier, however it did not affect Eckhart’s day.  He knew that responding to the anger of another would not help, or solve anything.  Great example of walking away.
“I can complain that the rose bush has a thorn, or that the thorn bush has an amazing rose….it is up to me”
I have found that people are getting used to me in terms of my endeavour to see life more positively.  I also have found that it is catching on, and either others are moving to the positivity or perhaps just humouring me…either way I continue to reach for the goal of not allowing others take away my JOY.
What if everyone around you was more positive?  What if all your co-workers or neighbours were more positive?  Would it make a better atmosphere for you to work in or live in?  Could you actually make a tiny difference in our world?

Today, July 20th marks the 4 year mark of my sobriety.  One of the most enlightening things that has evolved for me as I journey through my recovery is how much being vulnerable and talking about my flaws and struggles has helped me.  I no longer have to fumble with a little white lie, and even harder, to remember who knows what!
Free from the secrets of addiction…free from the stigma attached to having an addiction; free from the lying and pretending that I “just don’t feel like a drink right now” vs. “No thank you, I am a recovering alcoholic and don’t drink”; freedom from the thought that not drinking means no longer having any fun in a social situation; freedom to openly share my journey without fear of judgement; freedom to have an open conversation that may inspire others, and on and on.
Last month, I took a trip to Cobble Hill, B.C. to the treatment centre I attended in the summer of 2020, Cedars.  It was emotional for sure.  Was it overwhelming?  Not really I would say, but it sure did fill my bucket with gratitude.

My husband came with me and experienced the centre for the first time.  I attended recovery during the height of Covid, and there were no visitors during my 2 month time frame.  We walked the grounds as I pointed out the various buildings and activities and the memories it brought forth for me.  We talked about “Sam” who you have read about in my book, and sat at the pond where he and I would chat without clouded eyes.  We sat in the new teepee and chatted with Bruce, the Indigenous Leader about how my life has evolved since 2020.

We met up with a number of other individuals who influenced me during my stay.  Seeing people like Ethan (Director of Admissions) and Aaron (Alumni Relations Manager) and having discussions with them about my journey since was so healing and encouraging to keep moving forward up those stairs.  Embarking in conversations about my newly published book and speaking engagements in the future was inspiring.  Having brief re-unions with other counsellors like Karen and Mohammed filled my heart with gratitude.  It was also my pleasure to meet Stacey, the CEO of Cedars and hear of the future expansion plans for the recovery community.

While there, I asked to see my “before” picture (more like a mug shot) and my gratitude meter jumped, as I see where I am today.
I look forward to giving back to this community as time moves forward.  The treatment centre is opening more and more facilities over the next year, and I would love to contribute to them moving forward.  Good timing as I re-write my sobriety plan again this month.  If you have already read my book, you know that I re-visit my plan every six months.  I review a document on signs of possible relapse and revisit my goals for the next half year.  
This Journey is sooo worth it. If you are hesitant, connect with me via email and we can chat.  I am not a counsellor, but I am a fellow human who has struggled and is willing to chat.  Connect with a chat line; talk to a friend; call a treatment centre to talk and find resources; REACH OUT.

I read recently that forgiveness and honesty go hand in hand.  
Many times in life we are affected by something someone says, or does that hurts our feelings, makes us feel uncomfortable, and ultimately can affect our mood for a period of time.  Very often the person realizes their mistake and offers an apology which is great. However, more often than not we reply, “Oh, that’s ok”, or “Not to worry, it’s all right”.  When we do this we accept the comment said to us, and basically are giving permission to the other person for the behaviour to repeat itself.
Part of the reason we dismiss such comments or actions is because as humans we don’t  feel comfortable in any sort of conflict, so our reaction in wanting the tension to go away quickly is to dismiss it so the other person doesn’t feel bad.
However when we do this, we walk away feeling anger or hurtfulness for the better part of the day.  We brood, telling ourselves: “What a think to say to me”; “how rude was that”, etc. This puts us in “victim mode”.  
Meanwhile the other person, doesn’t give the hurtful comment or action another thought.
But, if we accept the apology by simply saying “thank you”, or “I appreciate and accept your apology”, we will feel better that we didn’t just brush off the remarks as if they didn’t bother us.  Being more honest in this way will lighten your load in that it doesn’t brood with you all day and also that the other person “got it”.
To truly create a more honest and harmonious relationship with someone close to you would be to have an honest and compassionate conversation about how those sorts of comments are affecting you.  
As time goes on with my healing, I am more likely to stop a friend or relative, by taking a deep breath and trusting that I will find the right way of telling them their actions are hurtful or difficult.
An example, early in my journey, two younger people in front of me in a line up were having an energetic conversation with a multitude of (what I considered) inappropriate language.  I found the language triggering and was bothered by it, so I asked them to refrain.  They apologized, and I said that I appreciated it.  There were no harsh words, just mutual respect.  It could have turned out differently, so perhaps choose your battles.
As my journey continues, I have more and more respect for myself and no longer have to remain silent, when the words and actions around me are hurtful.  
Again, I am on that ladder, taking baby steps to the next stair in front of me.

​Life can be hard.  Life can bring challenges … huge ones, and small ones.  Life can also be short.  With all of these thoughts, I know that each day I get to live on this earth is a blessing that I am grateful for.

This week I am so grateful for all the kind words and notes I’ve received in response to my new book, Climbing The Stairs - My Journey from Addiction to Pure Joy.  

I have been living in a state of pure joy for some time now, and the more I express that joy and gratitude, the more I see around me.  I know that when I walk in a room or down a street with a smile on my face, people notice.  I know when I greet people with a simple hello, good morning, good afternoon, that the response is warming.  It seems to me that the universe is glowing brighter when I do this, and it pays me back ten-fold with even more blessings and kind words.

In the past week, I received a heartfelt email from my childhood friend, Marilyn.  We met in late grade 6, and got to become friends in Junior High and beyond.  We are both in awe of how we have been in touch for over 6 decades.  Marilyn wrote me a lovely letter about her feelings on our connections, and sent me a picture of her holding my book she just purchased.  I would say it is close to 40 years since we’ve seen each other in person…yet when I saw her face, I was taken back to a loving connection.

Later in the week, I received a rare email….from my dear brother David.  He had just read my book and wrote to express his wonder and amazement about the contents of the writings and said that he knew he would be referencing back to so many life observations and thoughts that I wrote about.
Congratulations came from my sister-in-law, Brenda who has been on this journey a bit longer than me, and therefore coming from a like minded person who understands of what I talk about is heart warming and special.

I have heard from people all across the country who heard that I was writing, and how they are looking forward to reading about the journey.

It is fascinating to me that when I decided to open my heart to the world, and show my vulnerability, what happened.  I have had so many conversations with people who are struggling, or know people who are.  I got a phone call recently asking me how to support a friend who is obviously having an issue with substance abuse.  My goal in publishing this writing is to reach a million humans, and I am well on my way.

Each of these conversations open my heart even wider.  I am so grateful that I made the journey I did, and now have richer relationships with those around me.
In the past I know that I focused on the negative too much and when that happened, I couldn’t see the abundance in my life as clearly.  When in a rut, or down in the dumps, or surrounded by negativity, the waters and the air around us are muddy/cloudy and it is easy to be judgmental, easy to snap at someone and very difficult to take the time to see our gratitudes and abundance.  

When I started to see the positive, and noticed how much better I felt, I wanted more of that.  I started to notice the good things around me, and more importantly for me, started to express it more.  Taking the time to chat with a stranger who looks a bit lost, smiling and saying good day, buying someone behind you in the drive-through a coffee, bring in treats to the office, and the joy just started flowing..…for the giver and the receivers.

To me, it is a choice.  Just as it was a choice for me to get help with my addiction, it is also a choice for me to spread joy, vs. negativity.  The more I appreciate all around me, the more joy comes to me, and the more I can give.  The world will reflect back to us what we embody.  The more you put out there, the more you will notice it coming back to you.

In Pure Joy,
Cheryl

June 1, 2024
Good Morning,
I was pondering today how my reactions to being thrown a curve ball in life have changed since my sobriety about four years ago.
What I know for sure, is that I am a different person than I was when I was drinking.  Of course, the obvious is being clear headed and able to function throughout the day without a cloud over my head.  The other obvious change is getting things done throughout my day without the obstacle of wanting/needing/craving a substance to take the stress or hurt away.
Now, I arise to having focus for the day, setting out a plan and feeling like my days are meaningful and productive.  What a gift to myself !
Every day has a few hick-ups….some small and incidental, and others that throw us for a loop.  What I have found is that I am better able to handle the smaller events and not allow them to ruin my day.  Being a few minutes late due to traffic is no reason to get upset, or start honking the horn, or shouting out loud.  It may be a frustration, but a frustration that can not be fixed with our reaction.  So why waste your precious energy on something so insignificant?  Does the negative reaction solve anything, does it make you feel better….not really.
So this is what I do:  Stop and say Can I change anything about this?  Is there something I can do, or something I can say to make this better?  If the answer is no, then stop and breathe is my go to…really deep breaths that start with bringing in the air from the bottom of my abdomen to the top of my lungs.  Slow and steady.  There is a meditation in my book that goes like this:
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Try that for as long as it takes
I thought of a time when I was in an airport and the flight was significantly delayed.  Nothing I could do about it.  There were no alternatives but to wait in the airport.  I got a beverage and a book and was grateful for the reading time, which in our busy lives sometimes is hard to find.  I also had a wonderful conversation with a stranger about some of our travels.  Had the flight been on time, I would not have received either of these gifts.
The same goes for a past hurt, that still nags at you.  I have learned to let them go with good success.  When I find myself obsessing over the past, or loosing sleep, I now more quickly stop, and tell myself that I am not going to allow that person or situation to zap my energy anymore.  The more I practiced this, the more quickly I am able to move on.  It is a practice that takes time, but perseverance is key.  My journal helps when I have at times think: Why am I wasting a piece of my day going over that stuff  again?
Sometimes the curve ball is a more significant situation which may take more time.  For example, loosing a dear friend or relative.  There of course is a grieving period, but your friend or relative doesn’t want you to stop enjoying life.  The first year or so after loosing a parent, of course I missed them.  But I knew that they would want me to move on, and my focus changed to being so grateful for them being in my live and the joyous times we had.
Look carefully at the picture …..do you see the dark and gloominess of the sky and water, or do you see hope in the light peeking through?