"Let go of worries and be completely clear hearted like the face of a mirror that contains no images.
If you want a clea mirror behold yourself and see the shameless truth which the mirror reflects."           - Jalal al-Din Mohammad Rumi

Reading this after my Kundalini practice, what I heard was that I am who I am - flaws and all.  It does absolutely no good to keep holding on to my past mistakes.  As a matter of fact it takes my energy away from new adventures, and new things to do, to see, to learn, to experience.

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“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” - Lao Tau
Over the last 4 weeks, I have been staying in a city that knows how to slow down.  I was struck that no one seemed to be rushing about their day.  I saw zero road rage, did not witness any fighting or arguing and certainly no one upset with a store clerk or such.  I even got a parking ticket the first week, and went to city hall to pay it.  The attendant pulled up my parking photograph, and saw that I mis-understood which meter was directed to my car, explained how it worked, and pardoned the ticket, wishing me to have the best time for the remainder of my visit.  No muss, no fuss.
People walking their dogs at a leisurely pace and taking in all around them.  Parents walking their children to school, calm conversations and laughter.  The regular suburban streets have a 40K speed limit, and in school zones, 30K.  We even took a secondary highway that the speed was 50K, occasionally 60K, which dropped back to 40K as you drive into small villages.
Then there is the ocean.  Many people walking the beach, with no sense of urgency.  Occasionally picking up a rock or a stick to throw into the water, or playing catch with a pet.  Walking along with a beverage.    For us, we would get our beverage, and walk along the ocean, then sit at one of the numerous benches, sometimes conversing, and often just taking in the awe of nature.  Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.
No once did I have to dodge a person walking and texting as I often do in my city.  It seemed to me that there were just as many bikes on the road as vehicles, probably not quite, but the bike lanes were certainly utilized.
Perhaps it was my vacation mindset, but even in the grocery store that was full of patrons, I noticed a lack of rushing, no anxiousness of waiting to pay, no anger at the person in front that was taking a lot of time to find their change.  No pushing and shoving, no rolling eyes or impatiently tapping their feet at each other.
What I also noticed was that I was not the only person who was saying Good Morning to everyone I passed…it was quite noticeable.  As we walking along the Breakwater, many times we stopped or others stopped and we had real conversation….lovely day, where are you from, have you tried or experienced the ____ yet?  I felt like we were at an intimate gathering, where everyone was getting to know each other and helping each other.
We were house sitting for a relative who were vacationing in Japan.  They were telling us about the respect, and politeness of the people in every place they went.  They were also telling us about the subtle signage everywhere, reminding visitors that respect is highly valued, and suggesting that everyone be mindful of that.  Also the fact that is was the cleanest place they had ever been.  No garbage on the street, as citizens take their garbage with them to dispose of at home.
Today, back at home, I was doing a list of small tasks.  A load of laundry, refilling the shampoo bottles, making a couple of overdue phone calls, catching up on a few errands.  I was reminded, as I spoke of in my book, the book from years ago, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”.  How do I ensure that I don’t get overwhelmed these days with tasks these days?  I set aside a few hours one day every couple of weeks, meant to get the small stuff out of the way.  I don’t worry about small tasks daily as I just put it on my list and commit to myself to get it all done on that morning/evening/what ever time you choose. 
In my past life, I would get overwhelmed, give up, and tell myself I deserve to sit and have a drink (which inevitably turned into a number of drinks, wasting yet another day).
Make note of what overwhelms you and sends you into a tizzy, and perhaps utilize my method to calm things down…..​

Through out my sobriety, I have had a few pity parties.  What I have learned though is that a short pity party is ok once in a while, but only if you learn from it and don’t allow the party to continue on and on !
If you are a human being, you will have good days and bad days.  Anyone who says there is never a bad day, is either ignoring it, or tucking it away thinking it will disappear.  I have learned, it will always come back in some form if you don’t deal with it and put it away once and for all.
During early sobriety, I used to think that life wasn’t fair at times.  I was still wanting to go backwards in my recovery and say the heck with it; “this is too hard”.  And, yes, it is hard.  But I personally was so determined not to let that happen, but I am not oblivious to the fact that it does happen.  You will hear many addicts, alcoholics tell the number of times it took for them to finally quit and move on to a happier life.  I went to rehab over four years ago, and know of people who went back for another round, others who have resumed their habits occasionally, and others who still struggle every day.
Many of us have a tendency to feel sorry for ourselves, and are still grieving for our drug of choice.  Grieving for your alcohol/drugs is a real thing.  Wishing you could be like a “normal” person and have 1 drink at a special occasion.  The thoughts do not help and can increase your feelings of powerlessness over your addiction, and you may be tempted to just give in.  
I am here to say, you can get through it, and here are a few thoughts along that line.  Know that it is normal to have these feelings, and “beating yourself up” for thinking this way doesn’t help.  Also know and learn that pretending you are not feeling this way is not a good idea, as you are hiding, and the more you hide, the deeper the depressed feelings will affect you.
Idea # 1 :
So, when you find yourself in the ‘pity party’ mood, acknowledge it to yourself, and set a time limit.  Eg:  Ok, feeling sorry for myself, so going for a walk for 1/2 an hour and expressing my feelings to myself out loud, and I will not feel guilty, I will not feel shameful, nor will I judge myself.  These are normal feelings and part of the process.
Idea # 2 :
Calling a friend and ask them to listen to you for 10 minutes while you rant your feelings, thanking them after your rant for listening.
Idea # 3 : 
Write out you feelings in a journal.  Write the specifics, and keep writing until you feel like the words are all out.  Eg. “I am angry right now.  I would like to have a drink to cover up my feelings.  I wish I could drink like a normal person.  I am grateful I have been sober for xx time, and know this is just a brief phase.”
Which ever method you adopt, when you are done with the party, set a positive affirmation for yourself…Eg. “Whoa, got through that one, am glad I got it all out, and am back on track…thank you”
One day at a time….then another….then another….

Sanctuary - Sunset in Bali at  sunrise watching the dolphins wake up.
There is nothing like the power of silence and peacefulness, such as I experienced in this photo in Lovina, Bali.
  
Not all times are meant for silence.  As strong powerful women, there are many times when it is necessary to speak out, wether it be on behalf of yourself, or others.  

I have a book that I love and refer to often, called Circle of Stones, by Judith Duerk.  For many years, she led group of women on retreats and said, “I am awed by the depth of healing that comes as women sit in a circle, by the power of women keeping silence together, and by the truth in their sharing.”  Ms. Duerk has left our world now, but her words speak to me powerfully each time I read them.

I would encourage you to seek out this book, but for now would like to share an excerpt that in part encouraged me to share my vulnerability and my journey in the form of a book.

“How might your life have been different, if, as a young woman, there had been a place for you, a place where you could go to be among women … a place for you when you had feelings of darkness?  And, if there had been another woman, somewhat older, to be with you in your darkness, to be with you until you spoke … spoke out your pain and anger and sorrow.

And, if you had spoken until you had understood the sense of your feelings, how they reflected your own nature, your own deepest nature, crying out of the darkness, struggling to be heard.

And, what if, after that, every time you had feelings of darkness, you knew that the woman would come to be with you?  And would sit quietly by as you went into your darkness to listen to your feelings and bring them to birth … So that, over the years, companioned by the woman, you learned to no longer fear your darkness, but to trust it … to trust it as the place where you could meet your own deepest nature and give it voice.

How might your life be different if you could trust your darkness … could trust your own darkness?”

The book is published by New World Library, and currently is available on Amazon.

In order for us to survive as human’s on this planet, we need to be in possession of many survival skills.  Most of us also rely on the support of our village, our family members, our partner, our working colleagues, or our friends and neighbours.  Many a time, we need to ask a favour of another.  Perhaps they have a skill set we do not have….doing a repair in your home as an example.  And, it swings the other way, offering our expertise to others.

Over the course of our life however, we many times need to rely on ourselves to get through.  For a period of time in my life I was on my own.  No one else was going to ensure that I ate, or got to work on time, or pay the bills, or to comfort me when I was down.  In fact in times of my addiction, I choose to be alone, not wanting other human interaction.  

There are times we need to be there for ourselves to look after ourselves, or make decisions for ourselves.   Even in the good times, we learn to survive on our own and take charge of the direction of our life journey.  There are times in my current life that I choose to be alone, not for hiding, but for quiet, for peace, for reflection…and I love those times.

As a human being, there are of course times of despair when I would question my judgement…concerning my health, my happiness and my welfare, which led me to feeling dependent on others and powerless.  So over the course of time, I have chosen to strive to be stronger, and believing that I can look after myself, that I am strong and the more I pursue that, the stronger I become for myself.  The stronger I am for myself, the more I can be there for my loved ones.

Being my own village does not mean isolation - my life is balanced on my external village (friends, family, etc.) and my own inner village.  I am grateful for the inner work I have done to ensure that I am able and willing to look after all that I need and desire, but also for my new found joy in sharing my life with others.

I am worthy and also am able to celebrate my increasing inner strength and resourcefulness.  ​

“Living is changing, that’s the lesson the seasons teach us.”             
Paulo Coelho
As the weather cools a bit this month, and the threat of “the white stuff” looms around the corner, I have been walking recently in the river valley, listening to the crunch of the leaves as I put in my 5 km.
I love the above quote which reminds me that, when the seasons  change, and bring on a new, but familiar look, it is exciting and new each time.  The first snow fall, the first falling of the colourful leaves, the first plants peeking out from the ground, etc.
Every season brings a new look and feel of refreshing the earth.  Personally, I love the autumn, and the colours that appear almost overnight; the leaves then falling, and nature then takes a bit of a break as the foliage and many living beings hibernate during the cooler/colder months.  
The point I have become more acutely aware of is that I too, am ever changing as I grow in spirit towards my goal of being more aware of my surroundings, of being more whole, and being grateful for every part of my life.
Becoming sober over four years ago, have made this even more crystal clear.  I awaken every day to celebrate my life, and be grateful for all of my blessings.
The last couple of weeks have been jammed packed with events, and things to get done before I go away for a little R&R.  Getting all my necessary appointments complete; finishing up a couple of book signings at local bookstores; responding to those who are asking about my book; spreading news of a newly dropped podcast; a few birthdays thrown it; a long overdue lunch with family; writing a few “journals” for the website; catching up with my book club; and supporting my husband as he ran once again for the Terry Fox Foundation on September 15th.
As I worked my way through the last couple of weeks, I noticed that I was not nearly as “panicked” about running out of time.  I was still able to fit in my routines that keep me sober, and still able to “see” the day ahead and be grateful for every moment.    I am more able to let go of the things that I really don’t have to worry about and focus on the important “stuff”.  This was not at all me a few years ago.
Bringing myself to the task at hand with a positive attitude about the outcome makes a tremendous difference.  Going at the tasks with anger or resentment not only doesn’t get things done, but leaves me grumpy and frustrated.
Calm down Cheryl I say, and do one thing at a time and all will be well.  Just as the seasons remind us of change that we can look forward to, taking the time to see my surroundings and being grateful for even the smallest positive changes is exciting.
Sometimes the winding road is never ending it seems, just as climbing the stairs every day is both gratifying, even though the climbing too is never ending.
The Journey is worth it.  Don’t forget that…keep climbing!  You are worth it.

“Be Kind to yourself.  You may not be perfect, but you are all you’ve got to work with.”    - Henepola Gunaratana








This morning, I went for a long walk in a city park on the river bank.  The sound of nature moved me…the poplar trees rustling in the breeze, the scurry of the chipmunks competing with a group of birds at a bird feeder that someone erected. The sights of nature were there as well…the footprints of a bear on the shore, a mass of white feathers, some still with blood on the roots indicating a loss of a bird overnight, dozen’s of grasshoppers constantly taking flight in front of my path and the wild daisies throughout.
I read Whoopi Goldberg’s latest book over the past week, “Bits and Pieces”.  One of the readings stuck with me:  “There’s bad in the world that you can’t do anything about.  1.Do I allow those bad things stunt my growth as a human being? or 2. Am I just going to sit down and die over it? or 3. Or, do I figures out how I can be better?   Which option/s are a waste of time?” 
As I pondered this thought, I would add to it that it doesn’t help anything or anyone to rattle on and complain about it either.  What can I do, I asked?  For me, I strive to be the best I can be, live everyday to the fullest, and am grateful for all I do have.  I can try and make a difference everyday to someone I encounter.  On my walk today, I said “Good Morning” to every walker, every cyclist, every jogger and everyone I saw sitting on a memorial bench. 
This afternoon, I am re-reading Jann Arden’s book, “If I Knew Then - Finding wisdom in failure and power in aging”.  If you are a woman in your 50-70’s, this is a must read.  She talks about not really paying attention to who she was, or was becoming in her 40’s and early 50’s, but as she enters her 60’s and 70’s, she is seeing it differently.  
My favourite quote so far, is exactly how I am feeling right now, and for the last 4 + years… “What I think about now couldn’t be further from brooding on time running out.  Instead, I’m focused on reimagining and reinvention, the act of becoming someone I always hoped I would be.  I feel that I am a wise woman emerging through the trees with a renewed sense of the purpose of my own glorious life.”  Jann, I feel exactly the same!
I have found so many ways over the last couple of years to unlock my Joy.  Reading powerful memoirs of strong women such as Whoopi, Jann, Glennon Doyle, Margaret Atwood, Elizabeth Gilbert, Emily Carr, Judith Duerk, and soooo many others inspire me…
I feel honoured to grow older and wiser.  I have lost friends who left the planet so many years younger than myself, so I am grateful for my opportunities. News flash, we are all going to die one day.  I accept that, and because of that am determined to make the most of all I can.
Today’s Lesson : Find a Way to Unlock your Joy !

The following is taken from a book written by Narcotics Anonymous.  It is a book that I studied in Rehab and still refer to regularly as food for thought…  I have many friends in recovery who belong to a Just for Today group (JFT).  They check in with each other each morning, read the reading together, and share their thoughts…all to keep on the right path.
August 30 - Doing Good, Feeling Good
“We examine our actions, reactions, and motives. We often find that we've been doing better than we've been feeling. - Basic text, page 43
The way we treat others often reveals our own state of being.  When we are at peace, we’re most likely to treat others with respect and compassion.  However, when we’re feeling off centre, we’re likely to respond to others with intolerance and impatience.  When we take regular inventory, we’ll probably notice a pattern: We treat others badly when we feel bad about ourselves.
What might not be revealed in an inventory, however, is the other side of the coin: When we treat others well, we feel good about ourselves. When we add this positive truth to the negative facts we find about ourselves in our inventory, we begin to behave differently.
When we feel badly, we can pause to pray for guidance and strength. Then, we make a decision to treat those around us with kindness, gentleness, and the same concern we would like to be shown. A decision to be kind may nurture and sustain the happiness and peace of mind we all wish for. And the joy we inspire may lift the spirits of those around us, in turn fostering our own spiritual well-being.”
Just for Today: I will remember that if I change my actions, my thoughts will follow.