“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” - Lao Tau
Over the last 4 weeks, I have been staying in a city that knows how to slow down.  I was struck that no one seemed to be rushing about their day.  I saw zero road rage, did not witness any fighting or arguing and certainly no one upset with a store clerk or such.  I even got a parking ticket the first week, and went to city hall to pay it.  The attendant pulled up my parking photograph, and saw that I mis-understood which meter was directed to my car, explained how it worked, and pardoned the ticket, wishing me to have the best time for the remainder of my visit.  No muss, no fuss.
People walking their dogs at a leisurely pace and taking in all around them.  Parents walking their children to school, calm conversations and laughter.  The regular suburban streets have a 40K speed limit, and in school zones, 30K.  We even took a secondary highway that the speed was 50K, occasionally 60K, which dropped back to 40K as you drive into small villages.
Then there is the ocean.  Many people walking the beach, with no sense of urgency.  Occasionally picking up a rock or a stick to throw into the water, or playing catch with a pet.  Walking along with a beverage.    For us, we would get our beverage, and walk along the ocean, then sit at one of the numerous benches, sometimes conversing, and often just taking in the awe of nature.  Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.
No once did I have to dodge a person walking and texting as I often do in my city.  It seemed to me that there were just as many bikes on the road as vehicles, probably not quite, but the bike lanes were certainly utilized.
Perhaps it was my vacation mindset, but even in the grocery store that was full of patrons, I noticed a lack of rushing, no anxiousness of waiting to pay, no anger at the person in front that was taking a lot of time to find their change.  No pushing and shoving, no rolling eyes or impatiently tapping their feet at each other.
What I also noticed was that I was not the only person who was saying Good Morning to everyone I passed…it was quite noticeable.  As we walking along the Breakwater, many times we stopped or others stopped and we had real conversation….lovely day, where are you from, have you tried or experienced the ____ yet?  I felt like we were at an intimate gathering, where everyone was getting to know each other and helping each other.
We were house sitting for a relative who were vacationing in Japan.  They were telling us about the respect, and politeness of the people in every place they went.  They were also telling us about the subtle signage everywhere, reminding visitors that respect is highly valued, and suggesting that everyone be mindful of that.  Also the fact that is was the cleanest place they had ever been.  No garbage on the street, as citizens take their garbage with them to dispose of at home.
Today, back at home, I was doing a list of small tasks.  A load of laundry, refilling the shampoo bottles, making a couple of overdue phone calls, catching up on a few errands.  I was reminded, as I spoke of in my book, the book from years ago, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”.  How do I ensure that I don’t get overwhelmed these days with tasks these days?  I set aside a few hours one day every couple of weeks, meant to get the small stuff out of the way.  I don’t worry about small tasks daily as I just put it on my list and commit to myself to get it all done on that morning/evening/what ever time you choose. 
In my past life, I would get overwhelmed, give up, and tell myself I deserve to sit and have a drink (which inevitably turned into a number of drinks, wasting yet another day).
Make note of what overwhelms you and sends you into a tizzy, and perhaps utilize my method to calm things down…..​

Through out my sobriety, I have had a few pity parties.  What I have learned though is that a short pity party is ok once in a while, but only if you learn from it and don’t allow the party to continue on and on !
If you are a human being, you will have good days and bad days.  Anyone who says there is never a bad day, is either ignoring it, or tucking it away thinking it will disappear.  I have learned, it will always come back in some form if you don’t deal with it and put it away once and for all.
During early sobriety, I used to think that life wasn’t fair at times.  I was still wanting to go backwards in my recovery and say the heck with it; “this is too hard”.  And, yes, it is hard.  But I personally was so determined not to let that happen, but I am not oblivious to the fact that it does happen.  You will hear many addicts, alcoholics tell the number of times it took for them to finally quit and move on to a happier life.  I went to rehab over four years ago, and know of people who went back for another round, others who have resumed their habits occasionally, and others who still struggle every day.
Many of us have a tendency to feel sorry for ourselves, and are still grieving for our drug of choice.  Grieving for your alcohol/drugs is a real thing.  Wishing you could be like a “normal” person and have 1 drink at a special occasion.  The thoughts do not help and can increase your feelings of powerlessness over your addiction, and you may be tempted to just give in.  
I am here to say, you can get through it, and here are a few thoughts along that line.  Know that it is normal to have these feelings, and “beating yourself up” for thinking this way doesn’t help.  Also know and learn that pretending you are not feeling this way is not a good idea, as you are hiding, and the more you hide, the deeper the depressed feelings will affect you.
Idea # 1 :
So, when you find yourself in the ‘pity party’ mood, acknowledge it to yourself, and set a time limit.  Eg:  Ok, feeling sorry for myself, so going for a walk for 1/2 an hour and expressing my feelings to myself out loud, and I will not feel guilty, I will not feel shameful, nor will I judge myself.  These are normal feelings and part of the process.
Idea # 2 :
Calling a friend and ask them to listen to you for 10 minutes while you rant your feelings, thanking them after your rant for listening.
Idea # 3 : 
Write out you feelings in a journal.  Write the specifics, and keep writing until you feel like the words are all out.  Eg. “I am angry right now.  I would like to have a drink to cover up my feelings.  I wish I could drink like a normal person.  I am grateful I have been sober for xx time, and know this is just a brief phase.”
Which ever method you adopt, when you are done with the party, set a positive affirmation for yourself…Eg. “Whoa, got through that one, am glad I got it all out, and am back on track…thank you”
One day at a time….then another….then another….

Sanctuary - Sunset in Bali at  sunrise watching the dolphins wake up.
There is nothing like the power of silence and peacefulness, such as I experienced in this photo in Lovina, Bali.
  
Not all times are meant for silence.  As strong powerful women, there are many times when it is necessary to speak out, wether it be on behalf of yourself, or others.  

I have a book that I love and refer to often, called Circle of Stones, by Judith Duerk.  For many years, she led group of women on retreats and said, “I am awed by the depth of healing that comes as women sit in a circle, by the power of women keeping silence together, and by the truth in their sharing.”  Ms. Duerk has left our world now, but her words speak to me powerfully each time I read them.

I would encourage you to seek out this book, but for now would like to share an excerpt that in part encouraged me to share my vulnerability and my journey in the form of a book.

“How might your life have been different, if, as a young woman, there had been a place for you, a place where you could go to be among women … a place for you when you had feelings of darkness?  And, if there had been another woman, somewhat older, to be with you in your darkness, to be with you until you spoke … spoke out your pain and anger and sorrow.

And, if you had spoken until you had understood the sense of your feelings, how they reflected your own nature, your own deepest nature, crying out of the darkness, struggling to be heard.

And, what if, after that, every time you had feelings of darkness, you knew that the woman would come to be with you?  And would sit quietly by as you went into your darkness to listen to your feelings and bring them to birth … So that, over the years, companioned by the woman, you learned to no longer fear your darkness, but to trust it … to trust it as the place where you could meet your own deepest nature and give it voice.

How might your life be different if you could trust your darkness … could trust your own darkness?”

The book is published by New World Library, and currently is available on Amazon.

In order for us to survive as human’s on this planet, we need to be in possession of many survival skills.  Most of us also rely on the support of our village, our family members, our partner, our working colleagues, or our friends and neighbours.  Many a time, we need to ask a favour of another.  Perhaps they have a skill set we do not have….doing a repair in your home as an example.  And, it swings the other way, offering our expertise to others.

Over the course of our life however, we many times need to rely on ourselves to get through.  For a period of time in my life I was on my own.  No one else was going to ensure that I ate, or got to work on time, or pay the bills, or to comfort me when I was down.  In fact in times of my addiction, I choose to be alone, not wanting other human interaction.  

There are times we need to be there for ourselves to look after ourselves, or make decisions for ourselves.   Even in the good times, we learn to survive on our own and take charge of the direction of our life journey.  There are times in my current life that I choose to be alone, not for hiding, but for quiet, for peace, for reflection…and I love those times.

As a human being, there are of course times of despair when I would question my judgement…concerning my health, my happiness and my welfare, which led me to feeling dependent on others and powerless.  So over the course of time, I have chosen to strive to be stronger, and believing that I can look after myself, that I am strong and the more I pursue that, the stronger I become for myself.  The stronger I am for myself, the more I can be there for my loved ones.

Being my own village does not mean isolation - my life is balanced on my external village (friends, family, etc.) and my own inner village.  I am grateful for the inner work I have done to ensure that I am able and willing to look after all that I need and desire, but also for my new found joy in sharing my life with others.

I am worthy and also am able to celebrate my increasing inner strength and resourcefulness.  ​

“Living is changing, that’s the lesson the seasons teach us.”             
Paulo Coelho
As the weather cools a bit this month, and the threat of “the white stuff” looms around the corner, I have been walking recently in the river valley, listening to the crunch of the leaves as I put in my 5 km.
I love the above quote which reminds me that, when the seasons  change, and bring on a new, but familiar look, it is exciting and new each time.  The first snow fall, the first falling of the colourful leaves, the first plants peeking out from the ground, etc.
Every season brings a new look and feel of refreshing the earth.  Personally, I love the autumn, and the colours that appear almost overnight; the leaves then falling, and nature then takes a bit of a break as the foliage and many living beings hibernate during the cooler/colder months.  
The point I have become more acutely aware of is that I too, am ever changing as I grow in spirit towards my goal of being more aware of my surroundings, of being more whole, and being grateful for every part of my life.
Becoming sober over four years ago, have made this even more crystal clear.  I awaken every day to celebrate my life, and be grateful for all of my blessings.
The last couple of weeks have been jammed packed with events, and things to get done before I go away for a little R&R.  Getting all my necessary appointments complete; finishing up a couple of book signings at local bookstores; responding to those who are asking about my book; spreading news of a newly dropped podcast; a few birthdays thrown it; a long overdue lunch with family; writing a few “journals” for the website; catching up with my book club; and supporting my husband as he ran once again for the Terry Fox Foundation on September 15th.
As I worked my way through the last couple of weeks, I noticed that I was not nearly as “panicked” about running out of time.  I was still able to fit in my routines that keep me sober, and still able to “see” the day ahead and be grateful for every moment.    I am more able to let go of the things that I really don’t have to worry about and focus on the important “stuff”.  This was not at all me a few years ago.
Bringing myself to the task at hand with a positive attitude about the outcome makes a tremendous difference.  Going at the tasks with anger or resentment not only doesn’t get things done, but leaves me grumpy and frustrated.
Calm down Cheryl I say, and do one thing at a time and all will be well.  Just as the seasons remind us of change that we can look forward to, taking the time to see my surroundings and being grateful for even the smallest positive changes is exciting.
Sometimes the winding road is never ending it seems, just as climbing the stairs every day is both gratifying, even though the climbing too is never ending.
The Journey is worth it.  Don’t forget that…keep climbing!  You are worth it.

“Be Kind to yourself.  You may not be perfect, but you are all you’ve got to work with.”    - Henepola Gunaratana








This morning, I went for a long walk in a city park on the river bank.  The sound of nature moved me…the poplar trees rustling in the breeze, the scurry of the chipmunks competing with a group of birds at a bird feeder that someone erected. The sights of nature were there as well…the footprints of a bear on the shore, a mass of white feathers, some still with blood on the roots indicating a loss of a bird overnight, dozen’s of grasshoppers constantly taking flight in front of my path and the wild daisies throughout.
I read Whoopi Goldberg’s latest book over the past week, “Bits and Pieces”.  One of the readings stuck with me:  “There’s bad in the world that you can’t do anything about.  1.Do I allow those bad things stunt my growth as a human being? or 2. Am I just going to sit down and die over it? or 3. Or, do I figures out how I can be better?   Which option/s are a waste of time?” 
As I pondered this thought, I would add to it that it doesn’t help anything or anyone to rattle on and complain about it either.  What can I do, I asked?  For me, I strive to be the best I can be, live everyday to the fullest, and am grateful for all I do have.  I can try and make a difference everyday to someone I encounter.  On my walk today, I said “Good Morning” to every walker, every cyclist, every jogger and everyone I saw sitting on a memorial bench. 
This afternoon, I am re-reading Jann Arden’s book, “If I Knew Then - Finding wisdom in failure and power in aging”.  If you are a woman in your 50-70’s, this is a must read.  She talks about not really paying attention to who she was, or was becoming in her 40’s and early 50’s, but as she enters her 60’s and 70’s, she is seeing it differently.  
My favourite quote so far, is exactly how I am feeling right now, and for the last 4 + years… “What I think about now couldn’t be further from brooding on time running out.  Instead, I’m focused on reimagining and reinvention, the act of becoming someone I always hoped I would be.  I feel that I am a wise woman emerging through the trees with a renewed sense of the purpose of my own glorious life.”  Jann, I feel exactly the same!
I have found so many ways over the last couple of years to unlock my Joy.  Reading powerful memoirs of strong women such as Whoopi, Jann, Glennon Doyle, Margaret Atwood, Elizabeth Gilbert, Emily Carr, Judith Duerk, and soooo many others inspire me…
I feel honoured to grow older and wiser.  I have lost friends who left the planet so many years younger than myself, so I am grateful for my opportunities. News flash, we are all going to die one day.  I accept that, and because of that am determined to make the most of all I can.
Today’s Lesson : Find a Way to Unlock your Joy !

The following is taken from a book written by Narcotics Anonymous.  It is a book that I studied in Rehab and still refer to regularly as food for thought…  I have many friends in recovery who belong to a Just for Today group (JFT).  They check in with each other each morning, read the reading together, and share their thoughts…all to keep on the right path.
August 30 - Doing Good, Feeling Good
“We examine our actions, reactions, and motives. We often find that we've been doing better than we've been feeling. - Basic text, page 43
The way we treat others often reveals our own state of being.  When we are at peace, we’re most likely to treat others with respect and compassion.  However, when we’re feeling off centre, we’re likely to respond to others with intolerance and impatience.  When we take regular inventory, we’ll probably notice a pattern: We treat others badly when we feel bad about ourselves.
What might not be revealed in an inventory, however, is the other side of the coin: When we treat others well, we feel good about ourselves. When we add this positive truth to the negative facts we find about ourselves in our inventory, we begin to behave differently.
When we feel badly, we can pause to pray for guidance and strength. Then, we make a decision to treat those around us with kindness, gentleness, and the same concern we would like to be shown. A decision to be kind may nurture and sustain the happiness and peace of mind we all wish for. And the joy we inspire may lift the spirits of those around us, in turn fostering our own spiritual well-being.”
Just for Today: I will remember that if I change my actions, my thoughts will follow.

Chapters in our lives open and close as we move through our lives.  For example, moving on after a divorce, after a death of a spouse, after the kids have left home, when you retire, etc. etc.
When a phase of our lives moves into our past memories, there is a mourning period for sure.  As time moves on, others may encourage you to move on.  
At the same time, we are bombarded with information on how to live longer….”magic potions”, miracle serums, medicines, surgeries.  
But we all know that it isn’t just about hitting more birthdays, it is about quality of life…living life to the fullest.
One choice is to not see other opportunities to experience in life, and settle into a poor me mode….watch TV, go out just for the necessities, answer the phone, but never make the calls yourself, and generally feel sorry for the losses and changes.
Another choice is to look for opportunity doors to other experiences. Change it up, experience something new, do things differently and enjoy.  
Staying healthy is not just physical well being by exercising and eating healthy.  It is also about taking care of our mental, emotional and spiritual health.
As I have a family history of Alzheimers, only one form of dementia, I have been seeing a new senior’s Doc about being pro-active about keeping my brain going. 
There is an old story about a Convent in Montreal.  A study was done over a number of years, as when the Sister’s got older in this particular facility, they developed Alzheimers prior to their last years.  The fact was that the Sister’s had been doing the exact routine for most of their lives, with little difference, and developed some form of the disease.  
The question was raised, “What if the Sister’s changed up their routines and used different parts of their brains…would the history change?”  So Mother Superior oversaw the Sister’s starting to change up some of their daily routines, and also to use their brains differently.  She also enrolled the Sister’s in taking Violin Lessons.   
During the course of the study, the testing showed dramatic differences in their brains and a diminishing onset of the dementia.
So I challenge you to consider a few things:

• If you are driving somewhere, take a different route to stimulate your brain.  
• If you walk or cycle daily, take a different route, change it up and smell different roses along the way
• On the Canadian news a few days ago, a woman went skydiving for the first time….she was 100
• Try life long learning.  Keep the brain agile by learning something new.  If you are savvy with the internet, perhaps there is a course on line.  Or take out a book from the library on a subject that is new to you.  Senior Centres in most cities have short courses to take.  My husband went to one a few years back to learn Tai Chi
• If you read mysteries, change it up and read a memoir, or a historical fiction (Sarah Ferguson has written a few that are excellent)
• Volunteer…a hospital, a food bank, your place of worship, help a friend is no longer able to do certain things
• Travel if you are still able, to meet new people, to try something different

Watch for new Doors, and step inside….you never know what you will discover   The number of Birthdays you have experienced has nothing to do with your ability to peek into a new doorway.
“Time does not change us.  It just unfolds us.”  - Max Frisch

 “Enlightenment is always there. Small enlightenment will bring you great enlightenment. If you're breathing and are aware that you are alive – that you can touch the miracle of being alive – then that is a kind of enlightenment.”
                - Thich Nhat Hanh
I am striving everyday to approach my day with positivity and JOY.  Some mornings, even with the best intentions of positive, uplifting thoughts and words, I get thrown off the course!  Very often I get thrown off my intention by what others around me say.  For example, I do not like swearing language, and can be tempted to “correct” someone.  Personally I find it offensive and frightening at times.  I have come to see that not everyone understands the power that positive, non threatening, compassionate words can have on another.  On the other hand, I have come to realize that some may be stuck in old patterns of negativity.
It seems that some are in a negative mindset, and perhaps out of habit (and their comfort zone), their first instinct is to communicate in the form of complaining and criticizing.  It speaks to the old saying that some “see the glass half empty vs. half full”.
Depending on the situation and the company, we do have the option of walking away and continue on our positive path.  Sometimes it may be appropriate to address the negativity by pointing out the sunnier side of the conversation.  Other times, I may remain silent and not further the conversation, which sends a silent message in itself. I find for me, I feel better even if the other party doesn’t pick up on it.
In June of this year I went to hear Eckhart Tolle speak.  He talked of an example he experienced while driving.  A driver was irritated with him,   perhaps he said because he drives slowly.  At the red light, the man was gesturing to him and yelling for him to get off the road.  Eckhart said he just looked at him….no anger, no reaction, no emotion as the man went on and on.  He felt better, but the man was probably even angrier, however it did not affect Eckhart’s day.  He knew that responding to the anger of another would not help, or solve anything.  Great example of walking away.
“I can complain that the rose bush has a thorn, or that the thorn bush has an amazing rose….it is up to me”
I have found that people are getting used to me in terms of my endeavour to see life more positively.  I also have found that it is catching on, and either others are moving to the positivity or perhaps just humouring me…either way I continue to reach for the goal of not allowing others take away my JOY.
What if everyone around you was more positive?  What if all your co-workers or neighbours were more positive?  Would it make a better atmosphere for you to work in or live in?  Could you actually make a tiny difference in our world?

Today, July 20th marks the 4 year mark of my sobriety.  One of the most enlightening things that has evolved for me as I journey through my recovery is how much being vulnerable and talking about my flaws and struggles has helped me.  I no longer have to fumble with a little white lie, and even harder, to remember who knows what!
Free from the secrets of addiction…free from the stigma attached to having an addiction; free from the lying and pretending that I “just don’t feel like a drink right now” vs. “No thank you, I am a recovering alcoholic and don’t drink”; freedom from the thought that not drinking means no longer having any fun in a social situation; freedom to openly share my journey without fear of judgement; freedom to have an open conversation that may inspire others, and on and on.
Last month, I took a trip to Cobble Hill, B.C. to the treatment centre I attended in the summer of 2020, Cedars.  It was emotional for sure.  Was it overwhelming?  Not really I would say, but it sure did fill my bucket with gratitude.

My husband came with me and experienced the centre for the first time.  I attended recovery during the height of Covid, and there were no visitors during my 2 month time frame.  We walked the grounds as I pointed out the various buildings and activities and the memories it brought forth for me.  We talked about “Sam” who you have read about in my book, and sat at the pond where he and I would chat without clouded eyes.  We sat in the new teepee and chatted with Bruce, the Indigenous Leader about how my life has evolved since 2020.

We met up with a number of other individuals who influenced me during my stay.  Seeing people like Ethan (Director of Admissions) and Aaron (Alumni Relations Manager) and having discussions with them about my journey since was so healing and encouraging to keep moving forward up those stairs.  Embarking in conversations about my newly published book and speaking engagements in the future was inspiring.  Having brief re-unions with other counsellors like Karen and Mohammed filled my heart with gratitude.  It was also my pleasure to meet Stacey, the CEO of Cedars and hear of the future expansion plans for the recovery community.

While there, I asked to see my “before” picture (more like a mug shot) and my gratitude meter jumped, as I see where I am today.
I look forward to giving back to this community as time moves forward.  The treatment centre is opening more and more facilities over the next year, and I would love to contribute to them moving forward.  Good timing as I re-write my sobriety plan again this month.  If you have already read my book, you know that I re-visit my plan every six months.  I review a document on signs of possible relapse and revisit my goals for the next half year.  
This Journey is sooo worth it. If you are hesitant, connect with me via email and we can chat.  I am not a counsellor, but I am a fellow human who has struggled and is willing to chat.  Connect with a chat line; talk to a friend; call a treatment centre to talk and find resources; REACH OUT.