12 Stupid Things that Mess Up Your Recovery - Part 2 of 4

“12 Stupid Things that Mess Up your Recovery” - Part 2 of 4
This book was written by Allen Berger, Ph.D and it was given to me just after I returned home from rehabilitation.  Have a look at the last blog outlining the first three Stupid Things that Mess Up your Recovery.
Here are the next 3 Stupid Things to consider:
Stupid Thing 4: Being Selectively Honest
This one really relates to the Stupid Thing 3. If you have had a habit of dishonestly with others, it would be very simple to slip back into this one.  
Think of your reaction if you were to slip, and your friend asked, “have you been drinking” (are you high?).  Your first instinct to protect yourself may be to deny, and say, “of course not”, even getting defensive or angry that they would suggest such a thing. Because you would be feeling shame for the relapse, our instinct may be to lie, or walk away.
The only way I can recover, and continue on that healthy pathway is to be brutally honest, and that brutal honesty STARTS with being honest with ME.
We will continue to be sick as long as we are secretive.  Part of my reason for writing “Climbing the Stairs” was to jump start myself into being more transparent and vulnerable when it came to my addiction.  Every time I go to a book signing, I am talking to people about MY JOURNEY to joy, and making it very clear that it was me that I have written about, that I am the alcoholic, that my journey continues.
“The lies that we tell to ourselves are the most self-destructive.”  pg 42 of the book.
We, self included are not perfect.  As much as we may aspire to do things perfectly, we all make mistakes, some tiny, some large, and some massive.  The hardest part of publishing my book was showing my vulnerability to others, and I encourage you to aim to do the same.  (being vulnerable, not necessarily writing a book!)
Stupid Thing 5: Feeling Special and Unique
Guess what?  You are not the first to decide to straighten out our lives including our addictions.  You have a few things that work for you in maintaining in sobriety, but others also have some amazing ideas, and we need to “surrender” that those that came before us, had some thoughts on how to best approach recovery.
Therefore I am doing some things that are working right now, but know that those things may evolve over time, may change completely over time.  Therefore I am always reading, or listening to other’s approaches that I may or may not incorporate into my new six month plan.
I hear Hope when I listen to a friend who is approaching their recovery differently than mine.  I hear Hope when a friend relapses, and talks to me about recovery from that relapse, and is going at it again.
If you hear yourself patting yourself on the back for a good 4.5 years, implying “you did it”, stop and be honest with yourself.  Being complacent will not help and is a very slippery slope. Saying to self that you are “all better now” is not reality.
Stupid Thing 6: Not Making Amends
​Life is Hard.  You/I have faced many difficult situations in life, and will continue to do so.  You will never find all the answers, but you can keep looking, learning, and hearing clues. Eckhart Tolle says, “Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.”  He goes on to suggest that we get wrapped up in pieces of life that are just not that important…the traffic that made you late, the co-worker that was mad and threw something, holding onto an inappropriate remark made to you last month, and it still makes you mad…..
Making amends to me is taking responsibility for MY actions, behaviours, words.  Ultimately the goal is to restore relationships I strained due to my drinking.  Some will accept the amend, others would rather hold onto it, so that they can continue to complain.  
BUT for me, Cheryl, a proud recovering alcoholic I know I have made mistakes, I know I have hurt people and I am working at repairing the damage.  
Remember though that not everyone will accept your amend, your apology.  I have lost a number of “friends” through this process.  Are they not accepting the new me; are they uncomfortable as they are still partaking in the poison of choice to excess; are they afraid they will say something wrong; are they thinking I would judge them….
I certainly am not judging…..I am still in the journey and always will be.  I will be there if there ever comes a time when they need help or a shoulder to lean on.
SO, tune in to the next issue of The Journal for “Stupid Things # 7, 8 & 9.