12 Stupid Things that Mess up Your Recovery - Part 4 of 4

“12 Stupid Things that Mess Up your Recovery” - Part 4 of 4
This book was written by Allen Berger, Ph.D and it was given to me just after I returned home from rehabilitation.  Have a look at the last two blogs outlining the first six Stupid Things that Mess Up your Recovery.
Here are the final Stupid Things to consider:
Stupid Thing 10: Not Getting Help for Relationship Troubles
Relationships with a partner are complex and simply require work.  I should know, I was in two failed marriages in which I wore a mask of “Pleasing and not making waves with my husband.”  After a number of years on my own, I was determined to approach another relationship with clear communication and honesty.
However getting really forthright with a partner who has not gone through sobriety, or does not have the same problem of addiction as you and I do can be extremely challenging.
Counselling during this new phase of your life can become critical.  For my husband and I, he started with agreeing to take a course for spouses or parents of a person in recovery.  This helped him understand addiction, to understand my making sobriety my number one priority, and how to best support me.  On top of that, although drinking was not a problem for him, he removed all alcohol from our home in support of my journey.  I had not expected this at all, nor was I going to ask for it, but it was an unselfish gesture on his part to support me and I am so very grateful.
Today when I struggle with new way of life, I have several friends who are on their own journey, and we meet regularly to exchange ideas, vent, or to seek advise.  I also have a wonderful counsellor who I call upon when times are tough.  
On top of that there is a saying that hold so much truth: “We save our worst behaviours for those we love and care about.”
Stupid Thing 11: Believing That Life Should be Easy
“Life is difficult.  The sooner we are initiated into this reality, the sooner we learn how to deal with life on its terms rather than wast our time looking for the easy way.”  - page 83
Many people give up on their healing (not just in terms of sobriety) because the changes ahead are too scary, seem impossible, will be hard to accomplish.  So the solution for some is to “forget it”, “this isn’t worth it”, “this is too hard”, etc.  Then we settle back to our old ways, but it doesn’t take long to see the old patterns return.
So here is a quote from the book that wraps this together:
“When we accept life for what it is, we will see tremendous benefits.  We stop judging.  Judgement is irrelevant because life is what it is.  We don’t need to control or change our partner, our life, or our friends.”  
We accept them the way they are, or we make a choice for our own well being.  We free up our energy to focus on what we want in life.  
As Iyanla Vanzant said: “One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful. peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it.  As long as you can blame someone else, point the finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.”
 Stupid Thing 12: Using the Program to Handle Everything
“Recognizing our need for additional help is an indication that we are working a good program”
Wether you join A.A. or N.A. and work the steps with a sponsor, or follow the Buddhist Way, or simply commit to one day at a time, remember that Gabor Mate said: 
“There is no one fail-safe way out of addiction.  Nothing works for everyone.  We need to find the right path for ourselves.  Twelve steps, five steps, no steps, eight steps: what is right is what works.” (for you)  
SO, consider reviewing this four part series and remember to be brutally honest with yourself and your heart.