Every time I hear of a friend, aquaintance, a relative passing on, I am reminded of just how short life can be, and the importance of living every moment of everyday to the fullest.
Consider this thought by Lauren Oliver: "Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through your fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know." I recently found out that a young woman I went to rehabilitation with passed away at the start of December. She had been sober just 1 day more than myself, and we became friends. Throughout the past 4.5 years we would chat over email, text, or Instagram. She didn't relapse, but she was taken suddenly in an accident at the age of 44 years. RIP Amy. On Christmas Day, another friend in her 60's died. Vibrant, living every day mindfully, full of joy and energy. We visited a year ago walking through her amazing garden and the pride came through loud and clear of a happy life which included a couple of years of her retirement. Disease hit, and within 2 months she was gone. RIP Lorna. Also in December, one of my counsellors at rehab passed after a very long journey with the Big C. She is at peace now, I just know it. I also heard that she wanted to live until her 30 year sobriety day, and she indeed did just before she passed. RIP Jo. On January 2, I spoke with my friend, Margaret on the anniversary of her dear husband's passing. Although the grief is slowing a bit, it never really goes away. However there seem to be more and more positive memories of him as time goes on. RIP John. Finally, January 10 was the anniversary of my Mom's passing in 2020. It was her passing that got me motivated to start considering taking better care of myself, and by July I was in rehab. Hardly a day passes that I don't think of Mom. But at this point the memories are the good ones. Baking for the holiday season, I was reminded of particular recipes that were Mom's.... RIP Mom. Time does heal. As the days, months and years go on, it is less about mourning for me, and more about being grateful that those that are gone were in my life, and influences who I am today. REST IN PEACE.. You all had a place in my heart and my soul.
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When new challenges, adventures or opportunities come into our lives, we may feel apprehension or feeling scared. Really we are probably excited. For example, I am currently about to go on a major trip. It is a new country for me, new sights to see and in some ways I am anxious about what "may" happen, but really I am excited to experience new things. Another example, you are starting a new job....excited for the opportunity, yet apprehensive about how it will all pan out...new job, new commute, new people.
When faced with this, I know for myself, I need to look inward and talk to myself about the meaning of the butterflies in my tummy, the nervous heartbeat, and the negative self talk that may try and take over. These could be signs of being afraid, but could be interupted as excitement, curiosity, passion and joy. Clarify the feelings you are feeling and move forward. I have often admired those around me that seem to always be brave, and without fear, but as time goes on and I continue to have inspiring conversations with people around me, I realize that they too have anxious moments, they too at times are afraid. It is part of our human condition. So instead of backing off, or backing out of that new experience, realize that the butterflies show up in both joy & excitement, and also in fear & anxiety. When I feel the fear, I remind myself that it may be excitement, and challenge myself to "do it anyway". What I have learned over the past couple of years is that framing the situation differently in my mind helps me to overcome the fear. Saying out loud that I am excited about the new challenge, the new adventure, the new country, the new job helps me to shift my focus. The feelings of being scared and excited often elicit the same physical response in our bodies. Don't allow yourself to be paralyzed with the fear. |
Cheryl's JournalCheryl A. Pasieka is an addiction recovery advocate and the author of Climbing the Stairs: My Journey from Addiction to Pure Joy. Archives
January 2025
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