Through out my sobriety, I have had a few pity parties.  What I have learned though is that a short pity party is ok once in a while, but only if you learn from it and don’t allow the party to continue on and on !
If you are a human being, you will have good days and bad days.  Anyone who says there is never a bad day, is either ignoring it, or tucking it away thinking it will disappear.  I have learned, it will always come back in some form if you don’t deal with it and put it away once and for all.
During early sobriety, I used to think that life wasn’t fair at times.  I was still wanting to go backwards in my recovery and say the heck with it; “this is too hard”.  And, yes, it is hard.  But I personally was so determined not to let that happen, but I am not oblivious to the fact that it does happen.  You will hear many addicts, alcoholics tell the number of times it took for them to finally quit and move on to a happier life.  I went to rehab over four years ago, and know of people who went back for another round, others who have resumed their habits occasionally, and others who still struggle every day.
Many of us have a tendency to feel sorry for ourselves, and are still grieving for our drug of choice.  Grieving for your alcohol/drugs is a real thing.  Wishing you could be like a “normal” person and have 1 drink at a special occasion.  The thoughts do not help and can increase your feelings of powerlessness over your addiction, and you may be tempted to just give in.  
I am here to say, you can get through it, and here are a few thoughts along that line.  Know that it is normal to have these feelings, and “beating yourself up” for thinking this way doesn’t help.  Also know and learn that pretending you are not feeling this way is not a good idea, as you are hiding, and the more you hide, the deeper the depressed feelings will affect you.
Idea # 1 :
So, when you find yourself in the ‘pity party’ mood, acknowledge it to yourself, and set a time limit.  Eg:  Ok, feeling sorry for myself, so going for a walk for 1/2 an hour and expressing my feelings to myself out loud, and I will not feel guilty, I will not feel shameful, nor will I judge myself.  These are normal feelings and part of the process.
Idea # 2 :
Calling a friend and ask them to listen to you for 10 minutes while you rant your feelings, thanking them after your rant for listening.
Idea # 3 : 
Write out you feelings in a journal.  Write the specifics, and keep writing until you feel like the words are all out.  Eg. “I am angry right now.  I would like to have a drink to cover up my feelings.  I wish I could drink like a normal person.  I am grateful I have been sober for xx time, and know this is just a brief phase.”
Which ever method you adopt, when you are done with the party, set a positive affirmation for yourself…Eg. “Whoa, got through that one, am glad I got it all out, and am back on track…thank you”
One day at a time….then another….then another….

Sanctuary - Sunset in Bali at  sunrise watching the dolphins wake up.
There is nothing like the power of silence and peacefulness, such as I experienced in this photo in Lovina, Bali.
  
Not all times are meant for silence.  As strong powerful women, there are many times when it is necessary to speak out, wether it be on behalf of yourself, or others.  

I have a book that I love and refer to often, called Circle of Stones, by Judith Duerk.  For many years, she led group of women on retreats and said, “I am awed by the depth of healing that comes as women sit in a circle, by the power of women keeping silence together, and by the truth in their sharing.”  Ms. Duerk has left our world now, but her words speak to me powerfully each time I read them.

I would encourage you to seek out this book, but for now would like to share an excerpt that in part encouraged me to share my vulnerability and my journey in the form of a book.

“How might your life have been different, if, as a young woman, there had been a place for you, a place where you could go to be among women … a place for you when you had feelings of darkness?  And, if there had been another woman, somewhat older, to be with you in your darkness, to be with you until you spoke … spoke out your pain and anger and sorrow.

And, if you had spoken until you had understood the sense of your feelings, how they reflected your own nature, your own deepest nature, crying out of the darkness, struggling to be heard.

And, what if, after that, every time you had feelings of darkness, you knew that the woman would come to be with you?  And would sit quietly by as you went into your darkness to listen to your feelings and bring them to birth … So that, over the years, companioned by the woman, you learned to no longer fear your darkness, but to trust it … to trust it as the place where you could meet your own deepest nature and give it voice.

How might your life be different if you could trust your darkness … could trust your own darkness?”

The book is published by New World Library, and currently is available on Amazon.

In order for us to survive as human’s on this planet, we need to be in possession of many survival skills.  Most of us also rely on the support of our village, our family members, our partner, our working colleagues, or our friends and neighbours.  Many a time, we need to ask a favour of another.  Perhaps they have a skill set we do not have….doing a repair in your home as an example.  And, it swings the other way, offering our expertise to others.

Over the course of our life however, we many times need to rely on ourselves to get through.  For a period of time in my life I was on my own.  No one else was going to ensure that I ate, or got to work on time, or pay the bills, or to comfort me when I was down.  In fact in times of my addiction, I choose to be alone, not wanting other human interaction.  

There are times we need to be there for ourselves to look after ourselves, or make decisions for ourselves.   Even in the good times, we learn to survive on our own and take charge of the direction of our life journey.  There are times in my current life that I choose to be alone, not for hiding, but for quiet, for peace, for reflection…and I love those times.

As a human being, there are of course times of despair when I would question my judgement…concerning my health, my happiness and my welfare, which led me to feeling dependent on others and powerless.  So over the course of time, I have chosen to strive to be stronger, and believing that I can look after myself, that I am strong and the more I pursue that, the stronger I become for myself.  The stronger I am for myself, the more I can be there for my loved ones.

Being my own village does not mean isolation - my life is balanced on my external village (friends, family, etc.) and my own inner village.  I am grateful for the inner work I have done to ensure that I am able and willing to look after all that I need and desire, but also for my new found joy in sharing my life with others.

I am worthy and also am able to celebrate my increasing inner strength and resourcefulness.  ​