Through out my sobriety, I have had a few pity parties. What I have learned though is that a short pity party is ok once in a while, but only if you learn from it and don’t allow the party to continue on and on ! If you are a human being, you will have good days and bad days. Anyone who says there is never a bad day, is either ignoring it, or tucking it away thinking it will disappear. I have learned, it will always come back in some form if you don’t deal with it and put it away once and for all. During early sobriety, I used to think that life wasn’t fair at times. I was still wanting to go backwards in my recovery and say the heck with it; “this is too hard”. And, yes, it is hard. But I personally was so determined not to let that happen, but I am not oblivious to the fact that it does happen. You will hear many addicts, alcoholics tell the number of times it took for them to finally quit and move on to a happier life. I went to rehab over four years ago, and know of people who went back for another round, others who have resumed their habits occasionally, and others who still struggle every day. Many of us have a tendency to feel sorry for ourselves, and are still grieving for our drug of choice. Grieving for your alcohol/drugs is a real thing. Wishing you could be like a “normal” person and have 1 drink at a special occasion. The thoughts do not help and can increase your feelings of powerlessness over your addiction, and you may be tempted to just give in. I am here to say, you can get through it, and here are a few thoughts along that line. Know that it is normal to have these feelings, and “beating yourself up” for thinking this way doesn’t help. Also know and learn that pretending you are not feeling this way is not a good idea, as you are hiding, and the more you hide, the deeper the depressed feelings will affect you. Idea # 1 : So, when you find yourself in the ‘pity party’ mood, acknowledge it to yourself, and set a time limit. Eg: Ok, feeling sorry for myself, so going for a walk for 1/2 an hour and expressing my feelings to myself out loud, and I will not feel guilty, I will not feel shameful, nor will I judge myself. These are normal feelings and part of the process. Idea # 2 : Calling a friend and ask them to listen to you for 10 minutes while you rant your feelings, thanking them after your rant for listening. Idea # 3 : Write out you feelings in a journal. Write the specifics, and keep writing until you feel like the words are all out. Eg. “I am angry right now. I would like to have a drink to cover up my feelings. I wish I could drink like a normal person. I am grateful I have been sober for xx time, and know this is just a brief phase.” Which ever method you adopt, when you are done with the party, set a positive affirmation for yourself…Eg. “Whoa, got through that one, am glad I got it all out, and am back on track…thank you” One day at a time….then another….then another….
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Cheryl's JournalCheryl A. Pasieka is an addiction recovery advocate and the author of Climbing the Stairs: My Journey from Addiction to Pure Joy. Archives
September 2024
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