Chapters in our lives open and close as we move through our lives.  For example, moving on after a divorce, after a death of a spouse, after the kids have left home, when you retire, etc. etc.
When a phase of our lives moves into our past memories, there is a mourning period for sure.  As time moves on, others may encourage you to move on.  
At the same time, we are bombarded with information on how to live longer….”magic potions”, miracle serums, medicines, surgeries.  
But we all know that it isn’t just about hitting more birthdays, it is about quality of life…living life to the fullest.
One choice is to not see other opportunities to experience in life, and settle into a poor me mode….watch TV, go out just for the necessities, answer the phone, but never make the calls yourself, and generally feel sorry for the losses and changes.
Another choice is to look for opportunity doors to other experiences. Change it up, experience something new, do things differently and enjoy.  
Staying healthy is not just physical well being by exercising and eating healthy.  It is also about taking care of our mental, emotional and spiritual health.
As I have a family history of Alzheimers, only one form of dementia, I have been seeing a new senior’s Doc about being pro-active about keeping my brain going. 
There is an old story about a Convent in Montreal.  A study was done over a number of years, as when the Sister’s got older in this particular facility, they developed Alzheimers prior to their last years.  The fact was that the Sister’s had been doing the exact routine for most of their lives, with little difference, and developed some form of the disease.  
The question was raised, “What if the Sister’s changed up their routines and used different parts of their brains…would the history change?”  So Mother Superior oversaw the Sister’s starting to change up some of their daily routines, and also to use their brains differently.  She also enrolled the Sister’s in taking Violin Lessons.   
During the course of the study, the testing showed dramatic differences in their brains and a diminishing onset of the dementia.
So I challenge you to consider a few things:

• If you are driving somewhere, take a different route to stimulate your brain.  
• If you walk or cycle daily, take a different route, change it up and smell different roses along the way
• On the Canadian news a few days ago, a woman went skydiving for the first time….she was 100
• Try life long learning.  Keep the brain agile by learning something new.  If you are savvy with the internet, perhaps there is a course on line.  Or take out a book from the library on a subject that is new to you.  Senior Centres in most cities have short courses to take.  My husband went to one a few years back to learn Tai Chi
• If you read mysteries, change it up and read a memoir, or a historical fiction (Sarah Ferguson has written a few that are excellent)
• Volunteer…a hospital, a food bank, your place of worship, help a friend is no longer able to do certain things
• Travel if you are still able, to meet new people, to try something different

Watch for new Doors, and step inside….you never know what you will discover   The number of Birthdays you have experienced has nothing to do with your ability to peek into a new doorway.
“Time does not change us.  It just unfolds us.”  - Max Frisch

 “Enlightenment is always there. Small enlightenment will bring you great enlightenment. If you're breathing and are aware that you are alive – that you can touch the miracle of being alive – then that is a kind of enlightenment.”
                - Thich Nhat Hanh
I am striving everyday to approach my day with positivity and JOY.  Some mornings, even with the best intentions of positive, uplifting thoughts and words, I get thrown off the course!  Very often I get thrown off my intention by what others around me say.  For example, I do not like swearing language, and can be tempted to “correct” someone.  Personally I find it offensive and frightening at times.  I have come to see that not everyone understands the power that positive, non threatening, compassionate words can have on another.  On the other hand, I have come to realize that some may be stuck in old patterns of negativity.
It seems that some are in a negative mindset, and perhaps out of habit (and their comfort zone), their first instinct is to communicate in the form of complaining and criticizing.  It speaks to the old saying that some “see the glass half empty vs. half full”.
Depending on the situation and the company, we do have the option of walking away and continue on our positive path.  Sometimes it may be appropriate to address the negativity by pointing out the sunnier side of the conversation.  Other times, I may remain silent and not further the conversation, which sends a silent message in itself. I find for me, I feel better even if the other party doesn’t pick up on it.
In June of this year I went to hear Eckhart Tolle speak.  He talked of an example he experienced while driving.  A driver was irritated with him,   perhaps he said because he drives slowly.  At the red light, the man was gesturing to him and yelling for him to get off the road.  Eckhart said he just looked at him….no anger, no reaction, no emotion as the man went on and on.  He felt better, but the man was probably even angrier, however it did not affect Eckhart’s day.  He knew that responding to the anger of another would not help, or solve anything.  Great example of walking away.
“I can complain that the rose bush has a thorn, or that the thorn bush has an amazing rose….it is up to me”
I have found that people are getting used to me in terms of my endeavour to see life more positively.  I also have found that it is catching on, and either others are moving to the positivity or perhaps just humouring me…either way I continue to reach for the goal of not allowing others take away my JOY.
What if everyone around you was more positive?  What if all your co-workers or neighbours were more positive?  Would it make a better atmosphere for you to work in or live in?  Could you actually make a tiny difference in our world?

Today, July 20th marks the 4 year mark of my sobriety.  One of the most enlightening things that has evolved for me as I journey through my recovery is how much being vulnerable and talking about my flaws and struggles has helped me.  I no longer have to fumble with a little white lie, and even harder, to remember who knows what!
Free from the secrets of addiction…free from the stigma attached to having an addiction; free from the lying and pretending that I “just don’t feel like a drink right now” vs. “No thank you, I am a recovering alcoholic and don’t drink”; freedom from the thought that not drinking means no longer having any fun in a social situation; freedom to openly share my journey without fear of judgement; freedom to have an open conversation that may inspire others, and on and on.
Last month, I took a trip to Cobble Hill, B.C. to the treatment centre I attended in the summer of 2020, Cedars.  It was emotional for sure.  Was it overwhelming?  Not really I would say, but it sure did fill my bucket with gratitude.

My husband came with me and experienced the centre for the first time.  I attended recovery during the height of Covid, and there were no visitors during my 2 month time frame.  We walked the grounds as I pointed out the various buildings and activities and the memories it brought forth for me.  We talked about “Sam” who you have read about in my book, and sat at the pond where he and I would chat without clouded eyes.  We sat in the new teepee and chatted with Bruce, the Indigenous Leader about how my life has evolved since 2020.

We met up with a number of other individuals who influenced me during my stay.  Seeing people like Ethan (Director of Admissions) and Aaron (Alumni Relations Manager) and having discussions with them about my journey since was so healing and encouraging to keep moving forward up those stairs.  Embarking in conversations about my newly published book and speaking engagements in the future was inspiring.  Having brief re-unions with other counsellors like Karen and Mohammed filled my heart with gratitude.  It was also my pleasure to meet Stacey, the CEO of Cedars and hear of the future expansion plans for the recovery community.

While there, I asked to see my “before” picture (more like a mug shot) and my gratitude meter jumped, as I see where I am today.
I look forward to giving back to this community as time moves forward.  The treatment centre is opening more and more facilities over the next year, and I would love to contribute to them moving forward.  Good timing as I re-write my sobriety plan again this month.  If you have already read my book, you know that I re-visit my plan every six months.  I review a document on signs of possible relapse and revisit my goals for the next half year.  
This Journey is sooo worth it. If you are hesitant, connect with me via email and we can chat.  I am not a counsellor, but I am a fellow human who has struggled and is willing to chat.  Connect with a chat line; talk to a friend; call a treatment centre to talk and find resources; REACH OUT.

I read recently that forgiveness and honesty go hand in hand.  
Many times in life we are affected by something someone says, or does that hurts our feelings, makes us feel uncomfortable, and ultimately can affect our mood for a period of time.  Very often the person realizes their mistake and offers an apology which is great. However, more often than not we reply, “Oh, that’s ok”, or “Not to worry, it’s all right”.  When we do this we accept the comment said to us, and basically are giving permission to the other person for the behaviour to repeat itself.
Part of the reason we dismiss such comments or actions is because as humans we don’t  feel comfortable in any sort of conflict, so our reaction in wanting the tension to go away quickly is to dismiss it so the other person doesn’t feel bad.
However when we do this, we walk away feeling anger or hurtfulness for the better part of the day.  We brood, telling ourselves: “What a think to say to me”; “how rude was that”, etc. This puts us in “victim mode”.  
Meanwhile the other person, doesn’t give the hurtful comment or action another thought.
But, if we accept the apology by simply saying “thank you”, or “I appreciate and accept your apology”, we will feel better that we didn’t just brush off the remarks as if they didn’t bother us.  Being more honest in this way will lighten your load in that it doesn’t brood with you all day and also that the other person “got it”.
To truly create a more honest and harmonious relationship with someone close to you would be to have an honest and compassionate conversation about how those sorts of comments are affecting you.  
As time goes on with my healing, I am more likely to stop a friend or relative, by taking a deep breath and trusting that I will find the right way of telling them their actions are hurtful or difficult.
An example, early in my journey, two younger people in front of me in a line up were having an energetic conversation with a multitude of (what I considered) inappropriate language.  I found the language triggering and was bothered by it, so I asked them to refrain.  They apologized, and I said that I appreciated it.  There were no harsh words, just mutual respect.  It could have turned out differently, so perhaps choose your battles.
As my journey continues, I have more and more respect for myself and no longer have to remain silent, when the words and actions around me are hurtful.  
Again, I am on that ladder, taking baby steps to the next stair in front of me.

​Life can be hard.  Life can bring challenges … huge ones, and small ones.  Life can also be short.  With all of these thoughts, I know that each day I get to live on this earth is a blessing that I am grateful for.

This week I am so grateful for all the kind words and notes I’ve received in response to my new book, Climbing The Stairs - My Journey from Addiction to Pure Joy.  

I have been living in a state of pure joy for some time now, and the more I express that joy and gratitude, the more I see around me.  I know that when I walk in a room or down a street with a smile on my face, people notice.  I know when I greet people with a simple hello, good morning, good afternoon, that the response is warming.  It seems to me that the universe is glowing brighter when I do this, and it pays me back ten-fold with even more blessings and kind words.

In the past week, I received a heartfelt email from my childhood friend, Marilyn.  We met in late grade 6, and got to become friends in Junior High and beyond.  We are both in awe of how we have been in touch for over 6 decades.  Marilyn wrote me a lovely letter about her feelings on our connections, and sent me a picture of her holding my book she just purchased.  I would say it is close to 40 years since we’ve seen each other in person…yet when I saw her face, I was taken back to a loving connection.

Later in the week, I received a rare email….from my dear brother David.  He had just read my book and wrote to express his wonder and amazement about the contents of the writings and said that he knew he would be referencing back to so many life observations and thoughts that I wrote about.
Congratulations came from my sister-in-law, Brenda who has been on this journey a bit longer than me, and therefore coming from a like minded person who understands of what I talk about is heart warming and special.

I have heard from people all across the country who heard that I was writing, and how they are looking forward to reading about the journey.

It is fascinating to me that when I decided to open my heart to the world, and show my vulnerability, what happened.  I have had so many conversations with people who are struggling, or know people who are.  I got a phone call recently asking me how to support a friend who is obviously having an issue with substance abuse.  My goal in publishing this writing is to reach a million humans, and I am well on my way.

Each of these conversations open my heart even wider.  I am so grateful that I made the journey I did, and now have richer relationships with those around me.
In the past I know that I focused on the negative too much and when that happened, I couldn’t see the abundance in my life as clearly.  When in a rut, or down in the dumps, or surrounded by negativity, the waters and the air around us are muddy/cloudy and it is easy to be judgmental, easy to snap at someone and very difficult to take the time to see our gratitudes and abundance.  

When I started to see the positive, and noticed how much better I felt, I wanted more of that.  I started to notice the good things around me, and more importantly for me, started to express it more.  Taking the time to chat with a stranger who looks a bit lost, smiling and saying good day, buying someone behind you in the drive-through a coffee, bring in treats to the office, and the joy just started flowing..…for the giver and the receivers.

To me, it is a choice.  Just as it was a choice for me to get help with my addiction, it is also a choice for me to spread joy, vs. negativity.  The more I appreciate all around me, the more joy comes to me, and the more I can give.  The world will reflect back to us what we embody.  The more you put out there, the more you will notice it coming back to you.

In Pure Joy,
Cheryl

June 1, 2024
Good Morning,
I was pondering today how my reactions to being thrown a curve ball in life have changed since my sobriety about four years ago.
What I know for sure, is that I am a different person than I was when I was drinking.  Of course, the obvious is being clear headed and able to function throughout the day without a cloud over my head.  The other obvious change is getting things done throughout my day without the obstacle of wanting/needing/craving a substance to take the stress or hurt away.
Now, I arise to having focus for the day, setting out a plan and feeling like my days are meaningful and productive.  What a gift to myself !
Every day has a few hick-ups….some small and incidental, and others that throw us for a loop.  What I have found is that I am better able to handle the smaller events and not allow them to ruin my day.  Being a few minutes late due to traffic is no reason to get upset, or start honking the horn, or shouting out loud.  It may be a frustration, but a frustration that can not be fixed with our reaction.  So why waste your precious energy on something so insignificant?  Does the negative reaction solve anything, does it make you feel better….not really.
So this is what I do:  Stop and say Can I change anything about this?  Is there something I can do, or something I can say to make this better?  If the answer is no, then stop and breathe is my go to…really deep breaths that start with bringing in the air from the bottom of my abdomen to the top of my lungs.  Slow and steady.  There is a meditation in my book that goes like this:
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Try that for as long as it takes
I thought of a time when I was in an airport and the flight was significantly delayed.  Nothing I could do about it.  There were no alternatives but to wait in the airport.  I got a beverage and a book and was grateful for the reading time, which in our busy lives sometimes is hard to find.  I also had a wonderful conversation with a stranger about some of our travels.  Had the flight been on time, I would not have received either of these gifts.
The same goes for a past hurt, that still nags at you.  I have learned to let them go with good success.  When I find myself obsessing over the past, or loosing sleep, I now more quickly stop, and tell myself that I am not going to allow that person or situation to zap my energy anymore.  The more I practiced this, the more quickly I am able to move on.  It is a practice that takes time, but perseverance is key.  My journal helps when I have at times think: Why am I wasting a piece of my day going over that stuff  again?
Sometimes the curve ball is a more significant situation which may take more time.  For example, loosing a dear friend or relative.  There of course is a grieving period, but your friend or relative doesn’t want you to stop enjoying life.  The first year or so after loosing a parent, of course I missed them.  But I knew that they would want me to move on, and my focus changed to being so grateful for them being in my live and the joyous times we had.
Look carefully at the picture …..do you see the dark and gloominess of the sky and water, or do you see hope in the light peeking through?

As I stare at this beautiful crystal, I see many complexities.  Different angles, different shapes, subtle or bold changes in the colour.  So beautiful, such a wonder of nature.
Every time there is a change in our lives, it generally comes with some, (or a lot) of fear….fear of the unknown; fear of wether it was the right change to make if we made the change; fear of a new adventure and perhaps if that new adventure will be all we hoped for.  The what-if’s are hard to put out of our minds: what if the new city is not for me, what if the job turns out to be not what I expected, what if I fail, and on and on.  Our mind can go overboard thinking of the what “could” happen.

Fear in us can throw us off balance.  It pulls us out of our comfort zone.  It can create uncertainty.  It can make us freeze and be afraid to move forward.  Some of us adapt easier to change than others.  Standing still and not moving forward because of fear doesn’t help us at all.  Are you stuck?

If we can little-by-little respect change, and see it as a new frontier, a new challenge, or a new beginning that could bring a better outcome, or more joy….wow, wouldn’t it be worth it?

I am thinking of the cute little caterpillar…..what if his fear held him back from creating the chrysalis (pupa) around him….what if eventually his fear overtook him and he didn’t break through…..then we would not have the joy of a beautiful butterfly.

Fear probably accompanies any change in your life, but can be so worth the journey through that fear.  Writing out the pros and cons, the worries and the anticipation can help sort out the challenges for you.

Feel the Fear - take a few deeps breaths - make the leap and celebrate your accomplishment!

Hello, I am Cheryl and I am pleased to meet you !

I have written an amazing book recently (if I do say so myself), and I hope you will consider getting yourself a copy on this website.

I am a proud recovering alcoholic and my book is about not only my approach to sobriety, but also about how my life has dramatically changed as I live my life differently. I am truly living a life of joy and of late, I have noticed that many when they meet me say something to the affect, “you are glowing, what is happening in your life right now?”

What is happening is that after years of work on myself to become a better human, I have made some amazing discoveries:

Ahh, now I am fully experiencing the amazing world we live in, going about my days mindfully and taking in the beauty of all that surrounds us.

Ahh, now I know that I don’t have to be around the negativity that some bring to the table, and I am free to let some of those relationships go, and focus on a new circle of those that embrace their joy in life.

Ahh, now I know how freeing it is to allow myself to be vulnerable to the world, in spoken and written words, letting others see me for who I am today.

Ahh, now I realize just how short life can be and as I have entered a new decade in my time here on earth, I am making the most of each and every day.
​
Ahh, I am determined to not leave anything on the table when I leave this earth.

Ahh, I am creating my legacy of light every day.

It is my intention to write a new post regularly and I would invite you to join in the conversation. We will be talking about sobriety, about different approaches to maintaining that, about letting go of past events that are likely holding you back from a full and joyful life.  

Ahh, Today, I am glowing with anticipation of what this space will become.

​Thought for the Day:  “There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done.  One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live.”  - DALAI LAMA